I'm really frustrated with myself.  I have a friend, and he hasn't been too well off.  He hates school, and he's just having the worst time dealing with life right now.  I'm the only one who knows in depth what's really going on with him.  I've been aiming to talk to him for the longest time, but for some stupid reason, I can't.  I've had millions of chances to sit him down and talk to him, but neither of us are able to fess up and tell each other what's on our minds.  And it's fucking frustrating.   I'm like hitting myself in the head for passing up the perfect moments to talk to him.  I'm the only person who knows what's up, and I'm the one who's supposed to  be there when he needs talk to someone in real life.  I'm just so goddamn horrible at striking up serious conversation.  I've always been know for being positive and always knowing what the hell I'm doing.  But with this, I'm totally lost.  I've got so much to say to him, and I'm sure that he has a shit load to tell me, but neither of us has the ability to get it out to each other.

This is so fucking frustrating.  I make plans in my head; giving myself times and places where I can possibly sit him down and ask him what's up.  But I'm a world class failure, and surely, being this negative won't help someone else who's having a much harder time than I am.

I woke up at like, 6 today.  Stayed up til around 8 and fell back asleep.  When I woke up, it was crazy nice outside.  Sunny and everything.   Which is odd, since it's been really foggy outside due to like...smoke from the outer islands.  I don't know, something like that.  It started raining later in the day though; so much for sunshine.

Anyway, I got to hang out with my friend today.  I went over to his house for a while and played Brawl.  Naturally, I kept getting owned and only won two games, but it was fun.  He also rented Mystery Science Theatre 3000, something I've never seen before, so we watched that.  Incredibly dorky, but really funny.  All in all, it was a good Saturday, and I had fun just getting to chill with a good friend, something I haven't done in a while.

Also, I need to buy a present for another friend sometime tomorrow.  It's her birthday on Tuesday.  We made a small joke that for her birthday, we were going to get our permits.  Because we're both 16, and people younger than us pretty much already have their license.  Sad, I know. 

I just realized I have a lot of homework to finish up.  I've been procrastinating like crazy.  I should get to that.

My eyes hurt from trying to stay awake.  I'm really, reaaaaally tired, but for some reason I just don't feel like sleeping.


The sophomore grade had a dance tonight, but I skipped out on it.  I just didn't feel like going.  Well that, and I didn't want to get all dressed up, just to go to a crappy hotel to listen to awful music for 6 hours...

Heh.  I'm such a cynical bastard.

I do however, want to hang out with my friends this weekend.  I haven't done anything fun with them in a long time...and I kind of miss it.  Thing is, it just kind of feels like they don't want to anymore.  And that kind of makes me sad.


Blah, this post is all over the place.  It's not making sense.   I need to sleep.

I'm abusing this Livejournal like crazy.  No one reads it, but it's actually helping me get some simple thoughts out. 

I feel all loved for some reason.  Which...is odd because it feels like my close friends and I are drifting.  I mean, I still talk to them and still hang out with them, but it's not the same as it was 3 years ago. 

But I've actually been making new friends in the last month or so.   They're just a few guys who are really funny, and have the same interests as me.  They're dorky, and I love it.  I get to play video games with them every once in a while, and it's a lot of fun.  I'm not trying to say that I'm replacing my old friends. That's the last thing  I want to do.  It's just that hanging out with these new guys have been a nice change of pace...as if I'm trying something new from what I've usually had.  It's refreshing, and hopefully they like me as much as I like being around them.

In other sappy news: Hugs make me happy, and I think I'm improving on my art.  So yay. :3

I don't get how some people can be so open with others.  Like, they can go out and say something without hesitation.  I seem to have the hardest time with that.  Like, I'll rehearse it over and over in my head, but when it comes down to actually needing to say something important, I just can't.  I back out.   Either that, or it just comes out wrong and then I end up not getting  across what I really want to say.  And it sucks.  I'm not very courageous...I always second guess myself.  I go around in circles in my head, trying to figure out if it's okay to tell someone this or that.  Will they ignore it, will they think I'm wrong...I don't know.   I'll tell myself that I can indeed talk to some one about what I really think...but then like I said I back out, and the thought just stays in my head.  And usually, I never do get it out.

I'm quiet and I'm shy.  When I do talk, it's only to close friends who know me well.  But other than that, I don't think anyone ever takes me seriously.

 

I have been out of it and tired the past two days.  I've had no motivation whatsoever to do, or even try to do my homework.  My teachers will assign it to me, and I'll pretty much just toss it aside.  Honestly, I see no purpose in trying to figure out things that I probably won't ever use again in my life.

I hate this trimester so much.  I hate math and science in general.  I mean, chemistry isn't so bad; my chem teacher is insane and I love it.  But math is pure hell.  Two hours of listening to my math teacher's voice and I pretty much loose it.   It's just... I simply see no point in the things he's teaching me.  Seriously.

 I really want this year to be over.

Our school now has a shiny new Vitamin Water machine.  I don't see the point.  My school seems to have a bad habit of spending money on shit we don't need.  Whatever.  I bring my own anyway, and it's a bigger bottle at that.

First day back from break was alright.  I already have loads of homework, but that's expected when you're taking math and science.  It was just cool seeing all my friends again, who I didn't get to hang out with all break.  :>

I should post my art here or something.  I'll figure that out later.

Decided to get one of these crazy things, just for funsies.  Also because I need some where to rant, because I don't do that enough.

Last day of Spring break, and I'm wasting the day away.  I was going to go to my friend's house to play Brawl, but he didn't call me.  No big deal really, most of the people there are his band, and I don't talk to them much.  I'm just bored out of my mind, and I really wish I was with some fun, classy, party people right now.